So you may have seen my Moving out post. One of the first posts that went up on the blog. So I won't talk about wanting to move out too much in this one but it corresponds.

I feel trapped.
I feel like I can't move, and if I can move, I won't be able to go far.

I feel like I'm being made to feel guilty because I want to move to a different city and live my life. And I'm being made to feel like this because of family.

"What about this person?", "What about us?" Is what I'm hearing from certain family members, and it's making me feel like I can't do what I want to do with my life. And as much as I try to explain myself, it's getting difficult because this guilt I'm being made to feel is beginning to consume me, it's beginning to affect the choices I'm making in life and I don't want that.

I don't want to be stuck in this town/county I'm living in, for me, there is nothing here, there's no opportunities, there's no culture, there's no advancing job prospects and it's one of those places where people live, and they don't leave.. and I don't want to be one of those people.

I feel like screaming sometimes. They're not considering that my life isn't made up of worrying about everyone else. It's not like I'm going to move away and never come back to visit, or phone, or skype or use Facebook.

It's not like I'm disappearing off of the planet.

I literally want to move across a little bit of water - that I recently found out you can swim for charity events [The mersey... and apparently there are jellyfish? Who knew?!]

And for some reason I'm made to feel like my decision is a problem.

I know this is a rant-y post and I try to avoid these but sometimes you just have to get it out.

What I'm saying is, it's my life, my life to live, to fuck up, to make a success of, to do as I wish with. I love my family, there's no denying that, and if certain family members think I'm going to just fuck off and never see them again, then they seriously don't know me at all.

I'm not going to be made to feel guilty because I want to better my prospects in life. I refuse.

So from today, I'll be making plans to move out - will I be where I want straight away - No! I'll need to save and research and visit places and save, and oh, save more and weigh up the financial options e.t.c. all that boring moving out responsibilities that we're supposed to think about before taking the plunge.

But I can't be stuck in this "shithole" [lack of a better term] for the rest of my life, it's miserable. And if you're a family member who seems to think that I shouldn't move away for whatever reason, I'll send you my address, phone number and e-mail - it's 2016, there's many ways to keep in contact now. Like I said, I'm not just going to disappear.

I hope this post wasn't too depressing but sometimes you have to write in the moment and this post certainly made me feel a little bit better. 

As Always

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I hope you are all well. 

Miss Jamie-Leigh

Original Image credit: [Image shown edited by me & text overlayed using FontCandy]

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