GETTING FRUSTRATED

07:00:00




Hello,

Something in this world I hate - a pet peeve if you will - is people in my real and personal life, feeling sorry for me. Sometimes it comes from a well meant place, they've learned about things that have happened in my life and they feel like I've gone through a lot in life and they move on. Others, don't quite move on and they decide to judge the person I am based upon these horrible things.


I by no means have been through worse things than the next person, I've just been through life, my life is in no way worse than another persons and I suppose that's why I get annoyed with the sympathy.

There is no question in my mind that what I have personally been through was rough - at the time it was, and I've probably been through my fair share of experiences in life, but that doesn't make me a better person than anyone else, nor does it equate to me hanging on to the past and needing sympathy from anyone else.

Certain things in my life have made me cautious. Both of my nanmum and biological mother have been through domestic violence, both terrible, and I suppose it's made me slightly fearful that I will one day be in a similar position and probably a large reason why I don't/haven't had a partner. I was in the unfortunate position at 10 years old to be at home one day when my granddad decided to put my nanmum up against the kitchen door by the throat - the day they separated and quite frankly a day I won't forget.

I was unfortunate to lose 5 family members in the space of 12 months, my auntie in a house fire, my great auntie from a heart attack, my great grandparents [two nans and a granddad] all for "unknown" reasons [they were ill]

I've been bullied, I've been adopted, I've lost friends, I've attempted suicide after a ongoing battle with depression, I have anxiety.

And you may be reading this thinking to yourself "why are you writing this, this is for attention".

And it's not. I've listed those things because, whilst yes they were horrible at the time and some fragments of it remains, it doesn't define who I am today. These things that have happened are just a part of my life that I've had to deal with and live with, and I'm at a point in my life where I want to move on but feel like people are still treating me like the 12 year old child who has just attended their 5th funeral.

I'm not that person anymore,

I don't want nor need sympathy.

There are people in this world who go through a hell of a lot worse, people who struggle to move on or can't move on.

I'm 24 years old now, I recognise my past and if anything, I'm a stronger person because of it, because I dealt with it, because I got sick of the sympathy and the pity and because I've wanted to put it all behind me and move forward.


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I hope you are all well. 

Miss Jamie-Leigh

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